Results - 2021

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As the sun rose over the majestic waters of Grand Lake on Independence Day, there was a buzz in the air. A buzz of excitement about the upcoming race, and the buzz of an electric guitar. The tune was the Star Spangled Banner. A welcome sound to the participants and spectators of the 3rd annual Grand Lake Beer Mile. Not a single runner was without a patriotic graphic tee, and not a single eye was dry. GLBM newcomer, John Lomax, strummed out a version of the national anthem so beautiful you would have to be a card carrying commie not to be moved. Don’t believe me? Listen for yourself hippie (Click on the video). See what I mean? It was a fitting preamble for a race that would be just as inspiring. 

The buzz of excitement surrounding the race was for multiple reasons. Whispers of "Damn, this race looks legit this year," could be heard amongst the crowd. A first aid golf cart, new banner (almost), and baller ass race medals were just a few of the new additions to the venue. The race had also attracted some new faces on the track and in the crowd. Trent Bratz broke the glass ceiling as the first minor to be allowed to run in this historic race (before you call CPS, his beer was subbed out for diet coke). Just as impressive, Bullet Palmer, broke the species barrier as the first K-9 to run. The aforementioned playing of John Lomax was a siren song to many in the surrounding neighborhood, as multiple golf carts full of curious bystanders drove by to see what it was that was making them cry. When they heard that defending champion and local hero, Justin Mitchell, was about to try and defend his beer mile title, they stuck around to watch. Another new face that came to watch Mitchell was his 3 month old son, Harrison. By far the cutest spectator to ever watch a beer mile. Don't believe me? Go look at the photo gallery. See what I mean? 

While the race was full of fresh faces, it was missing a familiar one - Michael Mackelvie. No one knew for sure where he was, but there were rumors as to his whereabouts. Some speculated that he was still too emotionally damaged from last year's crushing defeat to attempt to regain his title. Others claimed he could not attend because he was suffering from multiple venereal diseases simultaneously. As is the case with most competing narratives, the truth was likely some combination of both. Regardless, he was not able to participate in the race which left most BM experts to predict the title race would come down to defending champion, Justin Mitchell, and last year's third place finisher, Justin Walker. The experts were right for once, but what they did not predict, was just how close the race would be. Let's just say one of them crossed the finish line "Just-in" front of Justin. See what I did there?

The race started with Mitchell and Walker out of the chugging station ahead of the pack. The female contenders were not far behind, as Katie Seikel, Lauren Mitchell, and Tiffany Palmer started strong and opened up a lead against the other female competitors. However, after the second chug was over, it was clear that the Justin's were not going to be caught. Mitchell had a small lead after the second chug and maintained it going into the final chug. The crowd was on the edge of their lawn chairs. Flashbacks to the previous year were certainly replaying in their minds. In that race, Mitchell famously came from behind going into the final chug to defeat the defending champion. This time around, he was the champion trying to hold off a come-from-behind victory. Perhaps he recognized this irony approaching the beer table. Perhaps he also recognized the irony that coming from behind was likely the reason Makelvie was too sick to race this year. Perhaps he had eaten a croissant for breakfast again. Whatever the reason, he was able to power through the anguish of trying to drink carbonated alcohol as fast as you can while trying to catch your breath, (a feeling that participants of a beer mile are all too familiar with) and leave the chugging table with his lead intact. Walker was not far off however, and approaching the final straightaway he was just a few seconds behind. Little did Mitchell know, this was all a part of Walker's race strategy. Walker had something left in the tank and began to pick up his pace. Mitchell was oblivious to his change of pace, and was feeling confident in his inevitable victory. That's when the controversy happened. Lauren Mitchell yelled to her husband to warn him of Walker's blistering speed. Now aware that he was in danger of being passed, Mitchell picked up his pace as well. Both runner's continued to speed up until they were both in a dead sprint for the final 50 meters. This was the sprint finish BM fans had been waiting years to witness! The excitement in the crowd reached a fever pitch. In the end, Mitchell was able to summon the speed to hold off Walker and was once again victorious. It will undoubtably go down as one of the greatest races of all time. 

As for the controversy on the final lap? Some said it was collusion. Some said it was simply a smoking hot postpartum momma rooting for her husband. The race commissioner agreed with the latter, and the victory was upheld. 

Until Next Year,

Justin Mitchell

Race Commissioner